How to Manifest

There are many words that become misconstrued over time due to misuse.  Manifest definitely falls into that category. The way I understand the term manifest directly relates to how to create one's reality. From my own experience, I know that what is happening externally to me (my experience of reality) is based on what is happening internally (my emotional reality).

I caution that in my way of thinking, I don't buy into victim blaming. Shit happens. Bad shit happens to good people. Nothing of value comes from saying to a person that they caused their cancer or their car accident. Or that there must be a reason they called the cancer or the car accident into their lives. No.

It's about understanding the blocks that created a dam and skewed the path. What are the blocks that prevent your life from flowing easily? Let’s look at those.

When a little baby is born, it is born without shame or apology. A baby is a little drop of spirit-life who spits-up and poops and without knowing they should apologize for having such human needs. As the little drop of spirit-life grows, the world (via parents) soon teaches them that they do in fact need to mold their self around expectations. This is an experience that their value of belonging is contingent on their rearranging their Self to meet the needs of others. This harsh reality is the beginning of internalizing: "something is wrong with me!" The implicit messages become internalized: I need to be a certain way to have value.  Don't cry too much. Don't have big feelings. Don’t be __[fill in the blank]___ or I won’t be accepted. Don’t have needs that are inconvenient for others. And so we grow from the unashamed little drop of spirit into a shame-based human.

Some of the messages that lead to this idea of needing to mold around people, to the point of denying our own Self, include:

-Productivity leads to personal value (you are of no value on your own sitting around, you have to do something)

-There is a lack in the world: don't take up to much space; don't take too much food; don't be too loud. Stay small. (Brene Brown refers to this idea as the culture of scarcity.)

-There is suffering… and an obligation to keep going anyway. Life sucks. Suck it up. Keep going.

-Meet the needs of others even it means your needs aren't met.

You can argue about whether you got these messages growing up or not. You can probably relate to a couple of them. There are unique messages you got in your family, too. These messages are both explicit and implicit through an adult’s responses to events in life or from your observation of family relationships.

How do any of us know who we are without the mirror of relationships to show us? Our first mirror is our family of origin. The way we are looked at from the beginning, is how we grow to see ourselves. Our self-talk grows out of the way we were talked to early in life.

Let's use a more extreme situation for the purpose of example. A child raised by a depressed mother or a violent father is going to carry messages of: "I'm not good enough"; “The world is unsafe"; "I can't trust that I'll be okay." As this child grows, the messages might become less apparent and more buried within a way of being. Perhaps the child continues to engage in difficult relationships as an adult or perhaps the child becomes highly successful and achieves great things. It's not about success or failure and what that means. It's about how the self- talk continues.

If there is no room in my own Self for acknowledging my feelings or meeting my needs, then I am not likely to bring good things into my life. When I set out to create a fortune or to find love, I will be doing so from a place of low worth. How can I manifest wealth or acceptance, if I carry in my own self-talk: "I don't deserve good things."; "I am not worthy of being loved."

These messages are not on the surface most of the time. There can be an internal emotional experience that isn't filled with negative self-talk, but there will be emotions. The underlying emotions are often fear, shame, sadness and grief.

So, how to manifest?

1. Get an alignment between: 1) how you think about your Self; 2) what you want; 3) how you live.

2. Cast out your intention of what you want through writing it out. Be specific in the description of the future picture that you want. (Do not write out the steps to get there. Manifesting is not goal -setting.) In this picture, how will you feel? What will it look like?

3. Let go of attachment. Manifesting requires we practically forget about it. We don't work actively to think it through or to worry about how to get what we want. We just let it go. Like a stone into the water and we stand back and notice the ripples, but the stone is gone.

4. Live in the alignment.

Here’s an example. If I want to lose weight, I must first think of myself as "a healthy person" despite my current state of health. Then I cast out the intention of being a healthy person. Then I live like I am a healthy person. The alignment is between perception of Self, a clear desire (want) and the actions or behaviors based on that.

That might seem oversimplified or ridiculous, but once the blocks are cleared out, manifesting an outer world is this easy. First, you need to understand the blocks. Why can't you get what you want? What are the specific hooks in beliefs that are holding you back? They are the messages that you were given. They are the legacy that you are carrying around from your family and early experiences. Unpack these untrue messages and the emotional logic that weighs you down and you will create a life of wonder! You will feel like a hungry human who has found a free buffet! Your life will be yours to live freely.

                                    The world is but a canvas to our imagination

                                                                              ~ H. D. Thoreau

The dark passage of grace

Every midwife knows
that not until a mother’s womb
softens from the pain of labour
will a way unfold
and the infant find that opening to be born.
Oh friend!
There is treasure in your heart,
it is heavy with child.
Listen.
All the awakened ones,

like trusted midwives are saying,
'welcome this pain.
It opens the dark passage of Grace.
~Rumi

 

The truth of this quote is ancient. It is the first step on the path of enlightenment; it is the foundation of therapy; it is the key to happiness!

We all do it. We see the pain. We smell the pain. We have a bit of a sense of the pain and we walk away in the other direction. We keep ourselves busy and distracted. We avoid. We numb. We complain. We do anything we can to avoid taking the first step. That is the step into and *through* the pain. 

The mistake we make is in falsely believing that if we feel the feelings of the pain we will never return. We falsely believe that if we move into the pain we will either break in a way that we can't be fixed or be lost in a way that we can't be found. 

Imagine this: (I wish I could draw on a blog).

Numb/ Avoid          <-----    YOU ------> PAIN    ------->     Everything you dreamed possible.

Misery                                                        

2 x 4 over the head

 

We go in the opposite direction of the pain.  We are not happy. We might even be miserable, but it is a misery with which we are familiar and so we keep at it. 

In the numbing and avoiding we are living our lives, but are not happy. We feel stressed, rushed, in survival mode, unable to keep up. We are spinning our wheels in obligation. Trying to get by. We feel alone and depressed or angry and resentful. We have no time for self-care: eating well, exercising, self-reflection and self-love.


We won't take time to stop and when we do stop, we numb.

I think of hitting oneself over the head with a 2 x 4. We keep doing what we have always done because we are so afraid to put down the 2 x 4. Even though what we are doing hurts us we don't know what we would do if we weren't doing this. We are afraid of the PAIN and we are afraid of what is on the other side of it. The void on the other side is a fear only second to the PAIN.

*********

This is the first step- put down the avoiding/ numbing/complaining behaviors. Dare to walk away from the misery. 

Then you will have to see the PAIN. You will have to admit to the whiff in the air of the thing you are trying to avoid. Each person's pain carries it's own name, but after exploring you will call it worthlessness. You will see that the misery comes from avoiding the feeling that without the misery you feel worthless. This is the reason for the fear of the pain. This is the core of the pain for each of us. It is a part of the human condition.

The recognition of this is the pain akin to labor in childbirth. This is the pain you are avoiding. And it is in moving through this pain that you will find grace. 

*********

Grace = Exhale. (Take a big breath right now. Allow an exhale. Try it.) 

This is the place of redemption. It is in this grace that you will find the gift of self-forgiveness. You will pay-off the debt: the price you have been paying in misery.

You will be free to feel the love of which you are apart. The greater love of the world- the stuff that is the binding force of connection between us all.

This is the place of worthiness. Of knowing: your value is demonstrated in simply being. There is nothing you need to do to be of value. You simply are. And that is enough.

This is a place of self-realization or divine love. By all names it is the same place and it is waiting for you.

********

It is in this grace that you will find that all of your dreams are possible. You belive this will be a scary place to go. You are afraid of what you will find when you see the treasure of your heart and the vastness of this love.

 I will tell you the name of this place: it is a life of ease. A place where you can create the life you can't yet imagine. It is a place where there is no striving to keep up and survive; no need to struggle to prove your worth. In this place you can be who you are and live without fear of the PAIN.  You no longer need to avoid/ numb/ complain. You can create the life of your dreams.

********

I invite you to explore this place (even though you may not think it applies to you). You may accept and yet spend many hours outside the door of PAIN examining the edges and thinking about the frame's construction. Vacuuming the rug you imagine to be right outside this door. I know. I have been there. I have thought the door would not be worthwhile. 

I urge you to know that it is simply by walking through and facing the truth of this PAIN that you will move through into the place of your dreams- a place where you discover the treasure within your heart and the vastness of great love.

It is with great love that I leave you with these thoughts. 

Heather. 

Paths of Life

I love the name of my "business": Point on the Path. I love it because it says that we meet only in this moment, but that we both come from a past and go into a future. Right off the bat, there is context to the relationship and that's refreshing. Ahhh....

I wanted to post some pictures that my dear ol' Dad sent to me this week. Look at all the different ways to imagine our path! Take a moment to reflect: do any of these images seem like your life path right now? Which one? What is it about the picture that feels like your life?

I love the visual and these images certainly appeal to that! I don't have any big words of wisdom today, just pictures. And you know what they say.... a picture is worth a thousand words.

In love,
Heather.

The right life

What is the most righteous path? How is the best life lived? What makes a good life?

I imagine these questions being asked by a breathless, sweaty climber who has reached a guru atop a rocky mountain. Yet, as reflective beings, we do ask similar questions in our day-to-day life. Without the drama of the high mountain climb, in our cars or in the shower, we ponder: what is the right life? The questions may look more like:

Should I stay home with my children or return to paid work?
Is it better to stay in the safe job with an employer or take a risk and try something new?
Am I happy in this relationship/ marriage?
Should I be tough on my teen-aged child or be compassionate to his/her struggle?
Can I tell my mom/ dad/ sibling/ boss how I really feel?

Of course there are many more questions where we wonder what is the *right* choice.

I recently struggled with a decision about what steps to take next. Should I pursue teaching spiritual circles and focus my efforts on getting more people to come? Or should I continue in the paper-pushing work of getting clinical social work status and taking a few graduate courses? Or should I work away making some money with less loftier aims and primarily focus on the needs of my still-young-but-not-for-long daughters?

I struggled with feeling obligated to my spiritual teachers. I felt that if I have been taught one or two things spiritually that I *should* share the gift. It is not meant for me alone and so I must pass it on. However, I am not ready, in many ways, to focus my efforts on spiritual teaching full-time. I am worried about making a business sustainable and I fear I might not be successful.

This is what happened to me during this time of struggle:

Talking to an indecisive woman about to have an abortion I heard myself say: There is no judgement. There is no *right* choice here. If you choose this path (in her case have a 4th child), your life will look like this. If you choose this other path (in her case have an abortion), this is how your life may look. This is the burden of choice. How your life is created is up to you. This isn't about who is inconvenienced by your choice, this is between you, God (however you understand that term) and your child.

So read that paragraph twice. First there are the words to a woman who is scared she will hate herself if she aborts her fourth pregnancy/ child, but at the same time feels overwhelmed with three small children already. This alone is profound and meaningful.

The second time you read it, it's a message to me about my struggle: what is the right life? Here is the answer:

The right life is the one that you create.
There is no obligation.
It isn't about who is inconvenienced,
it's about you, God and your child*.

(*The feel of "your child" is implied to mean my role as mother,

but also the implication to future generations- do no harm.)

So now then... what is the right life for you?

Well, that's just it. There is no *right* answer. Live with an open heart and hear your own wisdom. You know the answers. There is only love. When you get past the fear, obligation and sense of lack there is no struggle. You are the creator of your life.


With love,

Heather.

The Empowerment of People

Here's a quote I heard on The Munk Debates on CBC the other day:

We are the first generation of the world who know what the cure for poverty really is. The cure for poverty has a name and it is called: The Empowerment of Women.

If you could give women some control over the rate at which they reproduce...and take them off the animal cycle of reproduction of which nature and some religious doctrines condemn them... the floor of everything in that village- not just poverty, but education, health and optimism- will increase.

It doesn't matter. They tried it in Bangladesh . They tried it in Bolivia. It works. It works all the time.

~ Christopher Hutchens.

I wrote out a lot of what he said so that the quote has context. Clearly he is talking about women in the poorest parts of the world. I was so moved by the first part of the quote though:

We are the first generation of the world who know what the cure for poverty really is. The cure for poverty has a name and it's called the Empowerment of Women.

It's moving because the broader message is the empowerment of *anyone* will cure poverty or bring a greater wealth. Give people the authority for their own being and there will be more, not less.

I think of this on a physical, but also energetic level. When we *own* all of our being and we stand firm in our boundaries knowing truly who we are, then we are wealthy.

And from this place we are- just in our way of being- allowing others to be energetically wealthy as well.

There is a teaching about shapes (1). Basically, think of each of us as carrying our own shape (for example, a square, circle or triangle) and when we engage with another we are looking for a reverse, but complimenting match (picture two puzzle pieces).

In this we are energetically requiring that person to be something we need and they are doing the same. This happens without our conscious awareness most often. It is the foundation of all interactions and it is fundamentally why we like this person and not this one. It's the extent to which "our shapes match." Shapes don't fundamentally change from interaction to interaction. Shapes are stable, but they can be left behind as person engages higher levels of conscious awareness.

This is an abbreviated version of the teaching. Imagine these examples as a way of understanding our enslavement to these shapes and their impact on our interactions.

First example: you're having a bad day and you act in a way to try and get others to feel as bad as you. You are rude or grumpy or try to pick a fight with someone. That's you holding your shape and trying to get another person to take on the reverse but complimenting match. If someone does this: that is, gets as stressed and angry as you are, it will relieve the pressure you are feeling. We have all done this at some point.

Second example: imagine a cashier, who playing her part as a smiling customer-service representative, is engaging you with friendly chitchat. All social norms about the interaction demand that you perform a part. You are expected to engage about the weather or the roads etc. She is trying to fit you into a particular pattern of interaction and if you don't engage, you are rude. She wants you to be happier from the chitchat interaction and then she will have done her job as the smiling customer-service representative.

Third example: think of that couple you know who is like this. She is always so sweet and helpful- very nice. You almost never see her angry. He is the kind of guy that leaves people walking on eggshells. He is abrasive often and sometimes intimidating. He is not a bad guy necessarily, but he has a sternness to his manner. You can imagine that he is someone you would not like to see angry. In terms of shapes, he carries for her all the anger that she won't express and that allows her to be the "nice" one. She carries for him all the vulnerability he can't express and allows him to always be strong or feel in control. This is the epitome of the shapes engaged.

These are simple examples to demonstrate a point. Now back to the quote. So what happens when a person holds their own energy and they are empowered to be their own authority?

They have a control over who they are. They own their Self.

From this place a person isn't a slave to obligation or the nobility of suffering and lack. From this place a person can be all of who he or she is and not confined to a role and a stuck pattern.

Let's revisit the examples.

From here, the angry person stands alone in that anger and feels it. Just feels it for what it is. What is the message of the anger? Is it that someone has taken your power? Are you feeling obligated to behave in a way that you don't want? The anger becomes a source for power and not something that needs to be passed on down the chain of authority as is classically the case.

In the example of the smiling cashier- what happens when the cashier just stands in her own energy in a *real* way? Instead of trying to force the chitchat, she makes a small complaint or expresses her true feelings: "My feet hurt. How are you?" "I'm worried about getting home in the snow." From here the person as the customer has the freedom to be or feel what they want. This can be reveresed too. When the cashier is smiling away artificially, the customer can ask a real question and have a genuine interaction. What energetic richness that is!!

In the case of the couple-- this too often describes most of our closest relationships. There are patterns that we adapt. After learning the shapes teaching (in more depth then presented here), I laughed when I saw how our "soul mate" is really the person with whom we share the most compatible dysfunctions. We match because we carry for each other that which we are unable to carry for ourselves. And it is here that the white board work (a.k.a. Accipo) really reveals all these patterns we carry.

So often we are forced (we believe) into being and behaving in expected patterns. We may feel we have no choice (as the quote said: "forced into the animal cycle... of which nature and some religious doctrines condemn them.") BUT, we are not forced by nature or religion. We are only the victims of our own minds, our own values and our own beliefs. The best thing about this is that *we* can overcome our own minds. This is all within our power.


To me there is no higher principle then self- authority. You are responsible for you. The cure for energetic poverty has a name and it is called the empowerment of people.

With love,

Heather.

(1)From "A Mind for Mastery"- unpublished manuscript by Ellie Hernon.

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. ~ Gothe

I have been talking to people lately about how they are planning for their next steps: their FUTURE. Most people work out logical plans for steps to take to get to what they want. It's a planning process that looks like this:

My goal is to have a summer home on Vancouver Island.

First step: go back to school.
Second step: get a job where I make more money.
Third step: get money to buy summer home.

So, when you ask this person: "What do you want?" Their answer is: "I want to go back to school?"

Really?

No.

What they really want is the summer home on the Island. So, why not start there? Why take these long routes around?

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it!
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.
~Gothe

This is the difference between planning and manifesting. Planning has a goal and steps. Its path is seen from Point A to Point B to Point C and so on. There is no room to maneuver and wiggle and change.

Manifesting isn't a series of concrete steps. To manifest something, you hold the focus of your intent in an elevated state of consciousness (1) and then you simply let it go. That isn't to say that you do nothing toward your goal. Of course you do, but you don't hold it tight in your fist.

Imagine a child holding a beautiful butterfly. To love it intensely and try to possess it, is to kill it. To release it, is to love it with grace. This is the way to love your dream.

Here is an example from my life. I used to weigh more than 250 lbs and smoke. (Oh, so unhealthy!) I was about 18 months into doing circle work (1) and I reached a place where I was able to hold "health". What I mean by that is, I had both the state of consciousness and the focus to be a healthy person right now.

But, I was still overweight and smoked. I didn't appear any different from the outside. What had changed is that I was no longer: "the smoker" or "the fat girl." Like taking off a coat, I was able to shed those identities. Now I wore the identity of "healthy person."

I was able to shed those identities because I was living with a different state of consciousness. I was able to gather the multitude of fractured intentions within my self and hold a singular focus. From this place I was the new person: "healthy person" and from here it wasn't nearly as difficult to take that weight off. Healthy people rarely weigh that much so I didn't need all that extra padding on me now.

That was 2007. Four years later I have long since given up smoking, lost 100 lbs and I run for fun. I could never have done that if I wasn't able to wear the identity of "healthy person."


Back to the example of the summer home. If that is what you want, are you able to be that person now? Can you hold the place of "I am a person who owns a summer home on the Island."

Does that sound pompous to you?
Do you hold a belief about people who have a lot of money?
Do you hold a belief about how you are able to come to such luxurious things?
Do all rewards have to be proceeded by hard work?

Hmmmm... if you think that rich is inherently bad and that only work will lead to good things (and even then, not too good, just moderately good), how will you ever be the person who owns a summer home on the Island? You will only ever be the person who struggles to be that wealthy.

So, take a moment and think about the thing you want. The thing you truly want. Are you a person who can hold that?

And if you are: begin it! Boldness has genius and power and magic in it.

And if you are struggling under the weight of that desire, come in. This is the work we can do together.

With love,
Heather.



(1) From A Mind for Mastery (unpublished manuscript) by Ellie Hernon.
Spiritual counesling information here: http://www.pointonthepath.com/